Testing.

Hello! Testing on my phone :)

DAY 10: Mass to Cali

(Thursday, June 30, 2011)
Starting City: San Leandro, Ca
Ending City: Bellflower, Ca

I was really sad to leave. I wanted to stay another day, but I had to get back to Southern California to get things squared off with work, license, registration, insurance etc before the long weekend. We started our journey to our final destination at about 9am... I gave Joseph and my sister a BIG hug and gave Joseph a million kisses, or as many as I could get in before he pushed away... I was sad to leave so soon. I had said my good byes to Jason the night before and that morning before he left to work... :) The trip to my parent's house was not that bad... we didn't hit too much traffic, so that was great. We pretty much made it from San Leandro to Bellflower in about 6.5 hours. Before arriving at my parents house I stopped by the DMV to get paper work and ask questions about getting my license and registration and all that good stuff so I could fill out the paperwork and have it ready the next day. When I got home, my mom and dad were happy to see me and we unpacked everything from the car and it looked like a tornado went through my room when I dumped everything in there!!! Aghhh!!! Feels awkward to be back... I feel like a foreigner. :/

Day 9: Mass to Cali

(Wednesday, June 29, 2011)
Starting City: San Leandro, Ca
Ending City: San Leandro, CA

Today was a pretty relaxed day. Rathdara and I ran some errands for my sister while she stayed home and tried to get some rest. We also bought some stuff to make dinner for the family because we knew they were very tired with having to deal with going to the hospital everyday. We bought some chocolate sweets and boba for my sister also because I know how much she likes those stuff. :) Then when we got back to the apartment me spent the rest of the time playing around with joseph so my sister can do whatever she needed to do before heading to the hospital to see Alexander. When we got to the hospital Rathdara and I watched joseph and played with him outside while my sister and Jason were able to tend to Alexander together and speak to the nurses and doctor together without having to worry about watching Joseph. Rathdara and I were glad to help. We went home and Rathdara and I whipped up dinner, everyone ate and then got ready for bed and went to sleep. I again.. KNOCKED OUT!!!

Day 8: Mass to Cali

Starting City: Reno, NV
Ending City: San Leandro, CA

Slept in just a little and then went to Denny''s for breakfast. Headed out towards California and had a long but short 3.5 hour drive. It was long because half the time we were going up and down through the mountains and then the other half it was raining so hard!!! It was pretty darn crazy. Before reaching my sister's place we stopped by a fast food asian restaurant that was pretty bomb to get some food for everyone, delicious! When we got to the apartment Joseph was still taking his nap, but when he woke up it was so cute! He walked out of the room and said he was done taking a nap and that he was awake now. SOOO CUTE!!! :) Joseph was a little shy at first because he saw Rathdara and didn't want to talk or play, but he warmed up pretty quick and we were playing cars, trains, and ball in no time! :) Around 5pm we left to go see Alexander in the hospital (where we met Jason also) and he was so adorable. He was opening his eyes and mouth... too cute! :) Afterwards we went home, everyone was pooped, we ate, got ready for bed and I KNOCKED OUT!

DAY 7: Mass to Cali

Starting City: Laramie, WY
Ending City: Reno, NV

With much needed sleep and playing a game all the way from Laramie to Reno, the drive was not bad at all. I thought the game was going to be a bust, but it worked out very well and is still ongoing. :) We just start with the first letter of the alphabet, A, and try to name as many celebrities with the first name that starts with that letter back and forth until on of us can no longer name anymore. Whoever can name the most will win the point for that letter. We are on Letter "N" and I am beating Rathdara so far, 8 to 5. :) The scenery was a little better today than yesterday, we got to see mountains and hills. For dinner, we ate In n Out Burger!! So bad, yet sooo good! :) Tomorrow is a short drive to my sister's place--- about 3 hours. :) Can't wait to finally see them!

DAY 6: Mass to Cali

Starting City: Blaine, MN
Ending City: Laramie, WY

Not much to say about today. Was very tired, slept when not driving and found it difficult to get through the drive with the endless grass prairies. Hotel we were originally going to stay in was just very creepy with people starring at us and following us so we went to a totally different part of town and stayed at a better place. Hopefully tonight with more rest the trip to Reno will not be as bad. Almost there!!!

DAY 5: Mass to Cali

Starting City: Blaine, MN
Ending city: Blaine, MN

Today was a very productive day. Started the Day off by trying out Caribou Coffee. Went to Como Regional Park/Conservatory/Zoo, Midtown Global Market, and Minnehaha Park. The conservatory and zoo were great, we went with Nary and Navay. I loved all the different plants and animals we saw, I was just a little sad that it was a little under the weather with a slight drizzle throughout our whole visit. we then headed to the midtown global market where we ate middle eastern food--- yummay! We met up with everyone at home and headed out to Minnehaha Park and took some great pictures of the waterfall, crane, nature, mississippi river and just hiked through one of their trails. we ended the night eating steak all together before calling it a day. I sure enjoyed my time in Minnesota and thank everyone here for taking us out and being such great hosts and hostesses.

DAY 4: Mass to Cali

Starting city: Blaine, MN
Ending City: Blaine, MN

Today was a nice rest day, we woke up, went to Walmart to buy some face wash because I left mine at Thea & Jason's House and then I went to white Castle. The White Castle was small and a bunch of old people were eating there. I got the crave case with 30 cheeseburgers in it! Whoa!! There are still left over's right now in the fridge.

Afterwards we attempted to go to Como Regional Park which has a conservatory and zoo. Since this was the first nice sunny warm day in a while the place was PACKED! We could not find any parking and had to make it back home in a certain time so we left without getting to check out the place! Booooo.

We got home and I actually completed some paperwork for my job waiting for me in California and sent that over to them--- yay! Nary, Than, rathdara and I ended up helping out with the the yard work and mowed the lawn and after that we played badminton for a long time int he backyard and Than took some fancy professional photos of us while playing that came out pretty cool.

Tomorrow we plan on going to Minihaha to see the Mississippi River and some nice waterfall landscape scenery. I am actually fairly excited for that. I also need to do laundry, I have 2 more days worth of clothes and I am out. =P

DAY 3: Mass to Cali

Starting Point: Blaine, MN
Ending Point: Blaine, MN

No travels towards the west coast today. We spent the day with Than and the Sem family. We started out the day going to Hmong Town and grabbing some Hmong Sausage, which tasted like Shu Mai to me, but in sausage form and no shrimp! :) Afterwards we headed to the Mall of America. The mall was really large, if I had a whole day there I would have probably walked around all levels and go to the amusement park and ride the rides, but we settles for going to the aquarium there, Sea Life. I liked the aquarium a lot, it just makes me want to go back to the aquarium in Long Beach to see if it is just as good, since I have not been there since 2001. After the Mall of America we went to Navay's uncle's house and had dinner there and spent the rest of evening watching weird and random you tube videos with the family. Tomorrow is all up in the air, but we want to make a trip to Walmart to get some gummy bears for the road and also make a trip to White Castle to just say I have actually eaten there! Haa haa. Some other stuff mentioned when planning the day, but nothing too concrete... just going with the flow. :)

DAY 2: Mass to Cali

Starting City: South Bend, IN
Ending City: Blaine, MN

Today's drive felt very long and I am just glad we have a 2 day break from all day driving. We started our day with breakfast at the hotel and then got ready to leave for the long day ahead of us. Our first stop was University of Notre Dame. The campus is beautiful and while we were taking photos a squirrel was following us the whole time. I think it wanted the little beads on my sandals or something. I thought it was going to attack my feet, but it did not. :) Afterwards we headed into Chinatown in Chicago to get some pastries for Rathdara's Brother's family (which they really did love and devoured half upon our arrival) and we had lunch at the Original Pizzeria Uno in Chicago, and took the rest back to Minnesota for them to eat. There was major traffic leaving chicago and major construction on the road as well. Tomorrow we will be visiting Hmong Town and going to the Mall of America. I feel very tired today, maybe it was because of all the traffic. Maybe these two days will be good rest for the car and for Rathdara and I... by the way, a few birds passed their initiation today. :)

DAY 1: Mass to Cali

Starting City: Lynn, MA
Ending City: South Bend, IN

Today was pretty much a success. We are about 1.5 hours before Chicago, IL and are very glad to be done with driving for the day. The most exciting and controversial thing that happened is my accident with a bird initiation. A bird flew across the highway very low to the ground and I could not swerve because of all the cars around us and I hit the bird and my license plate now has a good size dent in it. I believe birds do this as an initiation in order to be part of the group and be able to sit on a certain tree or light pole. Why else would they do this?? I felt bad for the bird, but this should be a lesson to the birds watching the initiation from afar... DO NOT FLY LOW!!! Death is not worth sitting or hanging around those birds!

Why?

Why? That's all I need to know. Put your damn pride away and just tell me WHY you freakin piece of shit!!!!!!!!!

The right time re-visited...

Today I had a conversation with my older sister and she was telling me how Jason was saying the time will never be right, that there will always be an excuse to postpone something. Then I was thinking about it and I suppose there is no right time, but I told her that there is always a better time. Even though the better time may still not be the right time it may be better than doing something on a whim versus thinking and planning it through. So there you go... there is no right time for anything, but there can always be a better time. Right? Haa haa.

Exercise/Diet:
I am on week six (day 37) back on my diet and exercise routine. This week by far seems harder than last... will it only get worse? :o(

On a more happier note, Rathdara called me today from work and I was thinking there might be something wrong because he had only been in work for about 15 minutes or so. I picked up the call and he had great news, he told me he got a raise. I am so happy for him, things are finally turning around for him after about 2 years of struggling, things are definitely starting to look a lot better.

The Time Will Never Be Right...

Lately I have felt like that everything I do is just not at the right time, but is there really a right time for everything... in fact, is there ever a right time for anything?

Hopefully this next month or so my troubled life will pull together slowly. Everything is not going in the order I planned but it is looking optimistic. To be honest, I may have acted on impulse on several things I have done and that should have been more clearly thought out, but what is life without struggles? A happy one or an ignorant one? That I will never know for I clearly have chosen the path with struggles that lay before me.

Now the more I think about it I believe I was very ignorant in the past. To think that I would lead a happy life with no worries because up until 2008, that is how life was. I was on the road to success and I was happy about everything in my life and it all came tumbling down. I think I told my older sister this once before, long ago.

I suppose the great thing about falling down is the process of pulling yourself back up. So cliche, but now that I am living this cliche, the more I believe it. I feel that once I am back on my own two feet and have a clear idea of what I would like to do, I will look back and realized this experience has made me an even more humble and appreciative person. Not to mention strong-willed and determined, or maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself and trying to make things seem a little better when everything is in the shitter.

Something positive is my exercise habits. I am in week five or continuous workouts with 1 day break in each week. To tell you the truth I am getting a little more lazy than usual and I am not feeling the same vibe as when I first started. The adrenaline to work out and the motivation to just get off my ass is slowly dwindling away. I suppose the hard part is just getting off my ass and just doing it! Hee hee. I am hoping to lose 30-40 more pounds by May/June of 2012. I am really hoping I will be able to do this and maintain the weight. I checked my weight currently and I am still considered obese... this is so devastating after all the hard work I have done. I guess it's good I am not morbidly obese anymore or at like severe health risk. I can do this... 13 months 30-40 pounds!! =)

It continues...

So, I had another dream after about 2 months of not worrying about him or even thinking about him, he reappears in my dreams as if he wants me to remember him. My brain, subconcious or whatever just wont let me forget... No matter how much i really want to. When will this madness end?? Will it ever end?? Even though they are all bad dreams (nightmares), I feel silly for even having them because they are about him.

I had a dream of Solida. In that dream solida asked me to get back with him and i said no!! Then he ends up kidnapping me and taking me back to his parents house where he makes me lay in bed with him so he can just hug me. I am crying at this point and asking him to let me go and i get out of the bed and start to run for the door but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back into bed and he said i was going to lay there if i liked it or not. I continued to cry and said that i already have a boyfriend and i remember thinking in my head that i hope Rathdara could save me and what will he do? Of course, solida does not care and he just holds me down to stay in bed. Out of no where i see Franco's cousin (the dj) walking past the door in the hallway and i start screaming for his help and that i was kidnapped. Then i woke up.

The Guy Who Should Not Be Named

My nightmares are very repetitive, if I've had it once, there is a good chance I will have the same nightmare or some variation of it because the second or third time around I will be able to change the dream or it will be a continuation of the same dream.

So, last night I had a nightmare that looked oh so familiar in the beginning and this time I knew what to do. I was in an area that looked like my parents current home (which is one of the very few times that I have had a dream about the house on Ponderosa Street) but there were no house around us, just our single home surrounded by flat plain grassy area and a few trees. The atmoshpere looked and felt like that of something you'd see in a Tim Burton movie, dark and eerie.

I was walking around in the backyard area of the house with Julie, which was now not fenced in, just open flat land for as far as the eyes can see. We were walking and we saw a tiny plot of land that looked like someone's grave. At that moment I realized this is like a dream I had before, but when I was in my dream I was not sure if I knew I was dreaming or not. But from what happened in my previous dream I was getting ready and prepared in my dream on what to do. We walked past the plot of land and there was some sort of white stone plack near it, but I did not read it. Julie was going to reach for the plack and do something with it and I stopped her and I told her not to touch anything, just leave the area alone and I urged her to go back into the house with me. As we were walking away we heard something and we turned around and we saw a hand pop out of the ground and Julie was going to run over and help dig the person out and i stopped her this time and I said, NO don't help! Something bad is going to happen if you do, then we both ran into the house.

Next scene skips to me in the bathroom stashing a mirror and a bag of something edible to help me fight against what I know will be coming, a monster, an evil demon... what I did not know is that the demon would come in the form of "The Guy Who Should Not Be Named", Solida. Julie was on her menstrual cycle and I told her to throw away all her pads in the trash can outside and just get rid of it because it attracts evil. Then she was very upset and did not understand the severity of the situation and she continued to throw in her pads int he bathroom trash can.

Next scene skips to me talking to Solida in my room and we were arguing about something and I realized he was the demon, the person that came out of the grave, it was him and he was trying to attack me or kill me or something. I tried to get the bag and mirror I stashed away in the bathroom, but was unable to get a hold of it to help him and get the demon out. I ended up running downstairs to the kitchen area and saw my dad standing near the table and I ran straight to him and hid behind him and I told him that Solida was a demon and that I can try to save him, but I could not get to the stuff. Then Solida comes down and stares at both of us and said "Pu, I am just trying to talk to her!" Then my dad said "No, you had your chance, no more, you need to leave!" Then I screamed to Solida, let me save you, let me help you! Then Solidas voice changed into a nice guy tone and said okay I will wait here so I ran upstairs to get the mirror and bag of weird edible stuff to help rid him of the demons. I ran back downstairs and Solida was gone, but I could hear him running away with an evil laugh and said "I don't want the saving!"

Happy NEW Year!!!

This year better be as refreshing as my haircut...! Slacked off in exercising... but, I WILL overcome laziness! Must overcome all obstacles... must keep my eye on the goal...!

My Goal: All around happiness!!!!

It's a Hard Knock Life

Stress took a toll on me emotionally and physically. Emotions everywhere, health in whack. Need to get myself back on track.

How can I be so happy and so sad at the same time? Why is it always when one thing is so right, other things just go sooo wrong? I think I was given an easy break on life in the beginning and now it [Life] is coming back to show me what it's all about.

It's hard knock life...

Tis the season to be jolly?

Isn't this time of year suppose to be joyous? At least that is what we are all brought up to think. "Get into the holiday mood" and "Tis the season to be jolly" everyone says. Not to sound like a Scrooge or anything, but Christmas season always makes me plain sad and unfortunately, the list of things that make me sad just keeps growing~!

Once upon a time years ago, it use to be the time of year where everyone got together, ate a lot, played cards, sang, and just enjoyed each others company into the wee hours of the night. Now we have become so commercial, so materialistic, so UP TIGHT! Oh how I would love to just experience an old Christmas, a Christmas like it use to be.

When I think of the month December, I do not think of Christmas and happy times anymore. Of course, it crosses my mind, but it is not the first thing I think of. The first thing that I think of is my brother Johnnie who passed away, his birthday is on December 17th. My heart still hurts to this day thinking of how he was unable to experience all the things in life. I sometimes try to imagine what he would be doing if he were still alive and what he would look like.

The next thing that comes to mind is my friend, Petronela, who passed away a few months before our high school graduation. Petronela's birthday is on December 21st, her life as well ended too early. She would have done great things in life that would have benefited not only herself, but everyone around her. She would have made more of a difference in this world than she already had.

The third thing that comes to mind is how I was proposed to on December 24th by the lying, cheating, verbally, mentally, and physically abusive, Solida Thach. What was suppose to be one of those "joyous" moments you think about and cherish for life, turned into a bitter feeling that just lingers in me. Everything that happened before and after that event can occur as it did, but I think if I could take back that day to erase, I would. All the happiness, smiles, congratulations, cheers, tears of joy that happened that day would be okay if forgotten. I won't be selfish and say I hope I never went through the heartache I did, because everyone goes through it and that is life. However, everything that happened on December 24, 2007 was just something you shouldn't have to think about... EVER! Not only does Christmas remind me of the proposal, but it reminds me of all the things he did bad to me. I don't TRY to remember the day he proposed, it's just engraved into my memory because it was close to a holiday and was during a holiday party. Tell me what type of person will forget THAT day if it was on a holiday?!?!?!? You just can't ever by pass it or forget about it one year because Christmas happens every year! Someone, please shed some light on me and tell me if I am wrong.

All the above mentioned makes Christmas season and the month of December sad for me, but to make it even worse I can unfortunately add another reason to my list on how December is not as jolly as it's cut out to be... my grandmother's passing. It came as if sadness had to totally engulf the entire month. Is this moment for real? Just reading the words after I had typed them does not feel real. I am having a difficult time accepting that she will not be at her home for me to visit or that I will never be called on again to take her to a doctors appointment or stay overnight at her house because everyone is out of town. Even though I am far away in Massachusetts, it's still hard to imagine that it really will NEVER happen again.

So, I will raise my glass this holiday season and make a toast, a toast to the months January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, and November. Although, all the months do have things that go wrong, I toast to them for not making my memories sad as December's.

What if...?

Sometimes I just sit around and think about all the "what ifs", but what good does that do, right? I have already made a decision in my life to do a certain thing or what ever has happened is already said and done. I guess I have these issues of moving forward and always dwelling over things that just should not matter anymore because the fact is... I just have to continue moving forward and doing things to help myself, after all, I am the only one living my life.

My sister once wrote to me "I would like for you to realize that God never gives us more than we can handle. As difficult as it may seem...have faith that all will mend itself, you will survive and be stronger than you were. If you do not have faith...I hope you rest a little easier in the fact that I will have that faith for you. A lot of times we can never understand why these things happen until we reach the end and see that we are so much happier and more grateful than we would have been if it were not for the struggles that led to it. The hard part is traveling through this path and not knowing when the end is."

I know everything happens for a reason, but I would really like to have some really good things happen. How do I turn my luck around? Where do I begin? How do I start? Is a positive attitude the way to go? It feels as if once I overcome an obstacle another always appears and makes itself known so I feel as if I am constantly trying to keep myself in a good optimistic mood rather than actually BEING in a good optimistic mood.

Do you think some people are just cut out for being a responsible and successful adult and some are just not? All I feel inside is that I want to explore and do so many things without the worries of work, money and having to build a home. I wonder if all people think or feel this, if they do then why is life all about who you are and/or who you will become?