It's a Hard Knock Life

Stress took a toll on me emotionally and physically. Emotions everywhere, health in whack. Need to get myself back on track.

How can I be so happy and so sad at the same time? Why is it always when one thing is so right, other things just go sooo wrong? I think I was given an easy break on life in the beginning and now it [Life] is coming back to show me what it's all about.

It's hard knock life...

Tis the season to be jolly?

Isn't this time of year suppose to be joyous? At least that is what we are all brought up to think. "Get into the holiday mood" and "Tis the season to be jolly" everyone says. Not to sound like a Scrooge or anything, but Christmas season always makes me plain sad and unfortunately, the list of things that make me sad just keeps growing~!

Once upon a time years ago, it use to be the time of year where everyone got together, ate a lot, played cards, sang, and just enjoyed each others company into the wee hours of the night. Now we have become so commercial, so materialistic, so UP TIGHT! Oh how I would love to just experience an old Christmas, a Christmas like it use to be.

When I think of the month December, I do not think of Christmas and happy times anymore. Of course, it crosses my mind, but it is not the first thing I think of. The first thing that I think of is my brother Johnnie who passed away, his birthday is on December 17th. My heart still hurts to this day thinking of how he was unable to experience all the things in life. I sometimes try to imagine what he would be doing if he were still alive and what he would look like.

The next thing that comes to mind is my friend, Petronela, who passed away a few months before our high school graduation. Petronela's birthday is on December 21st, her life as well ended too early. She would have done great things in life that would have benefited not only herself, but everyone around her. She would have made more of a difference in this world than she already had.

The third thing that comes to mind is how I was proposed to on December 24th by the lying, cheating, verbally, mentally, and physically abusive, Solida Thach. What was suppose to be one of those "joyous" moments you think about and cherish for life, turned into a bitter feeling that just lingers in me. Everything that happened before and after that event can occur as it did, but I think if I could take back that day to erase, I would. All the happiness, smiles, congratulations, cheers, tears of joy that happened that day would be okay if forgotten. I won't be selfish and say I hope I never went through the heartache I did, because everyone goes through it and that is life. However, everything that happened on December 24, 2007 was just something you shouldn't have to think about... EVER! Not only does Christmas remind me of the proposal, but it reminds me of all the things he did bad to me. I don't TRY to remember the day he proposed, it's just engraved into my memory because it was close to a holiday and was during a holiday party. Tell me what type of person will forget THAT day if it was on a holiday?!?!?!? You just can't ever by pass it or forget about it one year because Christmas happens every year! Someone, please shed some light on me and tell me if I am wrong.

All the above mentioned makes Christmas season and the month of December sad for me, but to make it even worse I can unfortunately add another reason to my list on how December is not as jolly as it's cut out to be... my grandmother's passing. It came as if sadness had to totally engulf the entire month. Is this moment for real? Just reading the words after I had typed them does not feel real. I am having a difficult time accepting that she will not be at her home for me to visit or that I will never be called on again to take her to a doctors appointment or stay overnight at her house because everyone is out of town. Even though I am far away in Massachusetts, it's still hard to imagine that it really will NEVER happen again.

So, I will raise my glass this holiday season and make a toast, a toast to the months January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, and November. Although, all the months do have things that go wrong, I toast to them for not making my memories sad as December's.

What if...?

Sometimes I just sit around and think about all the "what ifs", but what good does that do, right? I have already made a decision in my life to do a certain thing or what ever has happened is already said and done. I guess I have these issues of moving forward and always dwelling over things that just should not matter anymore because the fact is... I just have to continue moving forward and doing things to help myself, after all, I am the only one living my life.

My sister once wrote to me "I would like for you to realize that God never gives us more than we can handle. As difficult as it may seem...have faith that all will mend itself, you will survive and be stronger than you were. If you do not have faith...I hope you rest a little easier in the fact that I will have that faith for you. A lot of times we can never understand why these things happen until we reach the end and see that we are so much happier and more grateful than we would have been if it were not for the struggles that led to it. The hard part is traveling through this path and not knowing when the end is."

I know everything happens for a reason, but I would really like to have some really good things happen. How do I turn my luck around? Where do I begin? How do I start? Is a positive attitude the way to go? It feels as if once I overcome an obstacle another always appears and makes itself known so I feel as if I am constantly trying to keep myself in a good optimistic mood rather than actually BEING in a good optimistic mood.

Do you think some people are just cut out for being a responsible and successful adult and some are just not? All I feel inside is that I want to explore and do so many things without the worries of work, money and having to build a home. I wonder if all people think or feel this, if they do then why is life all about who you are and/or who you will become?

Snow, snow, go away, come back another day!

It is the end of day 4 and we are in Newark, Delaware. We could have made it home tonight but it started snowing. I like the snow, but darn, it would have been nice to make it tonight and sleep in a nice bed and not have to pay for lodging. It's okay, it was quite an adventure.

Starting Point: Anderson, South Carolina 9AM
Ending Point: Newark, Delaware 8:45PM

States in Contact with: South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Delaware.

Highlights:
-Weird signs in hotel about drills and dentist. They were doing remodeling and said sorry for the flashbacks of the dentist with the drill photo, but they were doing remodeling. Thought that was WEIRD!

-Weird sign at gas station about losing your license if you do not pay for gas

-Saw a giant water tower that looked like a peach in South Carolina, that reminded me of James and the Giant Peach, want to see that movie again.

-Passed a sign for Sanford, NC and I thought of my sister, Jason and Joseph - miss them.

-Saw a car in North Carolina that was totally smashed in at the trunk area and they taped the bask side so none of the parts would fall, i think if any of the pieces were to be loose, the tape would not hold.

-Speed limits in South Carolina and North Carolina were about 60-65 mph, too slow (could not speed because there were cops everywhere!)

-We have been through 3 tolls so far ($2 + $5 + $4 = $11)

-Thea got honked at at the first toll because she was backing up to go into a different lane, the guy behind us were just paranoid, there was enough space behind us!

-Ordered a pizza and went to pick up a little later than told, but they said they already dumped it because they were closed, got Denny's instead. On another note, we tried to get pizza delivered, but was told their delivery guy crashed and bent his axle on his car.

-Walmart was out of regular sized bottle water and snow scrapers--- trip to walmart = useless

-was able to get Boston news and weather on the radio, but could not find New york or any close states!! sheesh!

Country Gravy!!

End of day 3 has brought us to Anderson, SC. It's amazing how far we have gotten. I guess it's because we decided not to sight see and just drive straight through, only stopping to get gas, eat or use the restroom and stretch our legs, which has not been too often. I have definitely been getting really good mileage on my car and have avoided the traffic in the major cities we have been to so far. Tomorrow will be another story... we plan to go ALL the way to Massachusetts! Let's see what happens, especially with there being snow in the Northeastern states. Recap of today's events below.

Starting point: Houston, Tx. 5:30AM-ish
Ending point: Anderson, Sc. 12:30AM

States in contact with: Texas (again!!!), Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina.

Highlights:
-The one thing that stuck out a lot in my mind after a long day is that we finally stopped at an outlet and Thea got to go to the Coach Factory outlet, that she has been waiting for so long! The place was semi deserted. Gulf Port, Mississippi

-Saw the Mississippi river!!! It was cool, I want to watch Huckleberry fin with Elijah Woods now. =) I might just go buy that on DVD now.

-Was VERY happy to leave Texas!

-Took car to Honda Dealer in Mississippi to change head light because could not get to the low beam on the driver side as the battery was blocking it. I think they did that on purpose. That held us back almost 2 hours... but needed working head lights!

-Clear weather throughout the whole day (but very cold).

-Going through Alabama made me want to watch the movie Sweet Home Alabama, starring Reese Witherspoon.

-While in Mississippi getting car serviced, an asian guy pulled up in his s2000 and in the outlet a block from there I saw 2 asian people working. I thought to myself... WOW--- that was 3 more asians than I was expecting to see in Mississippi! =)

Storm chasers...

Day 2 of the drive is now complete. Unfortunately, we have been going with the storm that is moving across the southern states and it has made our drives longer due to decreased speeds and being cautious--- thus, naming us the Storm Chasers! =)

Below is a quick run down....

Starting point: El Paso, Tx. 6am
Ending point: Houston, Tx. 9pm

States in contact with: the lone star state---- STILL!

Highlights: Beaver jerky billboards, icy roads, snow, rain, crazy truck drivers, cute border patrol dude (according to Thea) asking us if we were US citizens, cute AAA towing dude (according to Thea) that fixed our head light by just touching it--- a miracle (just playing), snow on my car, weather was so cold over night it froze my window wiper liquid that did not start to work again until about 10 hours later, truck driver honking at us for having a one eyed car (one head light out) and we were trying to figure out why he was honking), gas tank flap would not open because ice frozen in cracks (hit it to loosen ice and pop open).

Sorry such a quick run down, it's late and gotta get some sleep. Later Gators! =)

Howdy ya'll

So... the day has finally come and gone... my departure! I am currently in El Paso, Texas right now and have been driving all day! The last part of our drive was a little agonizing because someone told us NOT to stop in New Mexico no matter what and that we should drive straight through.

Arizona was cool, we saw many funny signs and did many funny things. I have begun to document it in a little booklet, so i will not forget the moments. Hopefully tomorrow i will be able to load up some photos and share with you, but here is a quick run down...

Departure from Bellflower, Ca : 6AM
Arrival to El Paso, Tx: 8:40PM-ish
States contacted with: California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas
Highlights: Ostrich Farm, thank you signs, attempting to take a photo of a rainbow, and rainy and super windy weather. Rocks, flat lands, houses in the middle of no where, passed 3 outlets and did not stop! =)

Packing update...

I have definitely neglected this poor blog, it's been a crazy week with driving up to San Francisco and back, then I am driving back for this upcoming weekend. Yikers! I will be flying back down though, so it's okay! Oh and because of my JetBlue points I get to fly back down for free... well, almost, I am paying $2.50 for tax and fees. =) Woot Woot. Definitely helps during this time of money crunching and saving.

My room still looks like someone is staying here, but I definitely packed 3 boxes full of things and have already shipped it out to Massachusetts... YAY!!! I am on my way to greener pastures as someone told me, I would say more like more white pastures since it's still winter and snowing a bit out there! Hee hee.

I have separated the remaining items I have into a pile of things I will be taking in the car with me on my cross country drive and a pile of things that I will still need to pack, unfortunately it is all still sitting on my bed so for the last week or so I have been sleeping on the futon bed in my room, which is smaller than a twin size bed... but it's okay.

I will not be doing any packing for the weekend because I will be up north again. Coming back on Tuesday for my last 5 crazy days in Sunny Southern California!!!

Where is the packing fairy?

If there is such a thing as a packing fairy, I wish it would help me out tonight! Partly my fault for going out and not doing as much as I should have done during the day, but I think I planned too much for myself for Friday, that I actually feel overwhelmed! I need to wake up early to make crab rangoons for the superbowl potluck at work and I would assume I need to get it there by 11am or 11:30am, I would go straight from making them to taking it to the potluck. Then I will be coming home to pack and then head out to the bay area at about 3pm-3:30pm.

I need to get my room partly clean so Joseph will come back to a nice house! Let's see what happens!

*crosses fingers*

Boxes!!!

After another very unproductive day in packing, my cousin, Jan, and I went on a dinner date to eat at Wolfgang Steakhouse in Beverly Hills and before we had dinner we went to the Westfield Century City Mall. I had never been there, I thought it was pretty awesome. We went to The Container Store there and I bought a bunch of boxes because they actually had the size I have been looking for, yay!

No more unproductive days now. I got the boxes, I got the tape... here I go..........!

Lost in Lost...

Today was not a very productive day like I wanted it to be. I bought some packing tape to give me that push to start packing my stuff, but it would have been a good idea to get some boxes!! All the packing that got done today was a small box, that I am not even shipping over to Massachusetts, but sending to someone I thought would appreciate the contents!

Most of my day consisted of rummaging through things and reminiscing of the past. I will be up late tonight going through things and trashing or shredding unnecessary papers. Of course that is after I watch LOST!

A New Beginning...

So here I am, ready to embark on this new chapter of my life in Massachusetts. I will definitely miss everyone here in California and of course the nice weather practically all year round... but it's time for a much needed change.

I have just begun sorting and will soon begin to pack my things together. I never knew all the things I had until I tried to get it out of the closet and found myself with no room to maneuver! Where will I sleep tonight, I am not too sure, maybe next to my boxes of photo albums or stuffed animals. My room definitely looks like something came through, ate everything up and spit it back out!

I know it must be hard on any parent when their child wants to move far away where they cannot see them when they want or visit whenever they want, I just hope mine will learn to understand why I need to leave. Why I need to do this now before I get old and wake up one day to realize I have not done or experienced many things in my life.

Who benefits more? One who is sheltered from the world doing as said and taking the route handed to them or one that can grow from being on their own and learning from their own mistakes? I believe my parents have raised me well and that I have a good head on my shoulders. If only they could not doubt how they brought me up and know that this is how life is suppose to be, growing up, taking responsibility and Living life!!

To all my friends at Classic, if you get to read this, I would like you all to know that I had a dream of my plants that many of you dearly wanted. I had a dream that I woke up and found them all brown and dead! I was so sad and was saying in my dream that I should have left it at the office so it would not die. I woke up and went downstairs to find my plants still healthy and green!! :D

Tune in every now and then, I plan to document my time leading up to my move, during my move and everything after! Who knows, you might even be reading about me coming back to California!! Until the next post!

-Willa